“Where is you pencil George?”
“I ain’t got one”
“Say,”I haven’t a pencil.”
“Gee,where are all the pencils?”
One day, a teacher told her class to study their spelling words for homework, she would ask to hear them the next day. So a boy went home and asked his brother to help him. His older brother was watching tv and said, “Shut up!”. Next, he went to his older sister. His older sister was listening to music and said, “OOOOH! ooh!”. He then goes to take the garbage out and sees the garbage man. He asks him for help all he says is, “Garbage! Garbage! Smelly garbage!”. He then goes back in and talks to his little brother who is watching batman and he says, ” nananananananan BATMAN!”Lastly, he went to his mom cooking bread and she said, “MY BUNS ARE BURNING! MY BUNS ARE BURNING!” The next day at school, his teacher asked him to tell her the words. He said, “Shut up!”. “Young man, you will respect me.” “OOOH! Oooh!” ” That’s it, go to the principle’s office!” So the boy goes to the principle’s office and the principle asks, “What do you learn at this school?” the boy says, ” Garbage! Garbage! Smelly garbage!” ” Who do you think you are?” “nananananananana BATMAN!” So the principle spanks him and asks, “Well, what do you have to say for yourself?” “MY BUNS ARE BURNING! MY BUNS ARE BURNING!”
Tim:Daddy,do you like baked apples?
Tim:The orchard is burning.
Advertising Operators-Ever get tired of those people? Always calling to sell you their products or to “upgrade” your phone plan. Say this to gettem’ outta your hair.
When they ask to speak with you, say “Just a moment,” and give the phone to a six-year old child to carry on the conversation.
Pretend to be very interested in their product and then quite calmly and earnestly inquire, “Yes, but can it make a six minute casserole?”
“This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording. This isn’t a recording.”
Mom- “Go ahead, Janie. Eat your broccoli.”
Janie- “Do I have to?”
Mom- “Yes, so you can grow up and be a pretty girl”
Janie- “Mommy, why didn’t you eat your broccoli?”
Walmart-Bored at Wal-mart? Try these
* Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
* Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come Robin–to the Bat cave!”
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”
Elevator-Bored in an elevator? Do this
When people get on, ask for their tickets.
When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, say “that’s mine!”
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Ask, “Did you feel that? I felt a rumble.”
Swat at flies that don’t exist.
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn’t do my homework.